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Jokes in english :)
Autor Wiadomość
%Mike_ 
139 Team



Muzyka: Depends...:)
Wiek: 41
Dołączył: 17 Wrz 2005
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Nr. Użytkownika: 1222
Wysłany: 01-02-2007, 13:36   Jokes in english :)

Well, maybe if you know or find some jokes in english you could share them right here with others. Let me start then, cause I've found something on the net :mrgreen: :

The lonely frog

A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store.

His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"

"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."

Drunk Blonde

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."


Heartbreak, Then Revenge

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together.

As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages.

Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around. He didn't take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.
So, what she did is this: she took a polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend's unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone.

Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken but, even more so, was pissed. So, what he did next was awesome.

He wrote on the back of the photo the following, Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money! and mailed the picture to her parents.

I'm looking forward to reading yours soon ..........
_________________
Who you choose to be around you lets you know who you are

GLOBAL PASTERS TEAM :)
 
 
 
magdziorka 



Muzyka: techno
Wiek: 32
Dołączyła: 07 Cze 2006
Skąd: Chicago
Nr. Użytkownika: 2558
Wysłany: 02-02-2007, 23:12   

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
_________________
dLa cAlEgO SwIaTa mOzEsZ ByC nIkIm DlA KoGoS mOzEsZ ByC cAlYm sWiAtEm
 
 
 
demon2701 



Muzyka: Dance Tchno
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Wysłany: 28-05-2007, 07:50   

Dirty little joke: :twisted:

There are four kinds of sex :

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say ":cenzura: YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer :cenzura: you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got. :mrgreen:


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ Dodano: 28-05-2007, 08:06 ]
Another one: :grin:

Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".

"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.

"What's that mean?"

"It means they cut the skin off the end."

"How old were you when it was cut off?"

"My mom said I was two days old."

"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.

"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"
_________________
Today is the first day of the rest of your life
That's true with every day except one -
THE DAY YOU DIE
 
 
 
Joey1 



Muzyka: techno
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Wysłany: 18-10-2007, 20:17   :)

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.
 
 
 
Andziaa 



Muzyka: Hause
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Wysłany: 29-10-2007, 18:46   

Joey1 napisał/a:
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
He's good :mrgreen:

[ Dodano: 29-10-2007, 18:49 ]
:wink:
_________________
Grzeczne Dziewczynki Id? Do Nieba A Niegrzeczne Tam, Gdzie Chc?=P
 
 
dziadek1987 



Muzyka: pop
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Dołączył: 29 Paź 2007
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Wysłany: 29-10-2007, 20:39   Re: Jokes

good :)
 
 
greatest 



Muzyka: Trance
Dołączył: 23 Sty 2007
Skąd: Debica
Nr. Użytkownika: 4835
Wysłany: 29-10-2007, 21:11   

A young boy asked his dad how 2 spell CLITORIS? ,,Dad replied U shud have asked me last nite, it was on the tip of my tongue

Lesbian joins weight watchers teacher says 2 her ''u are what u eat'' lesbian says ''are u calling me a :cenzura:?''

:grin: :grin: :grin:
_________________
...Trance to nie tylko d?wi?ki ... to stan w jakim znajduje si? umys? gdy je czujemy i rozumiemy...
 
 
 
%kubih 
VIP 139


Muzyka: Trance
Dołączył: 06 Lut 2005
Skąd: In?d
Nr. Użytkownika: 605
Wysłany: 30-10-2007, 16:57   

Five reasons to believe that computers are female:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. Even the smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else.
4. The message "bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know what is wrong, then I'm not going to tell you."
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
_________________
PartyInfo.com.pl - Dyskoteki, kluby, imprezy w Tarnowie i okolicach. BooBoo pozdrawia forumowiczów ;)
 
 
 
+stoga 



Muzyka: dobra ;p
Dołączyła: 25 Cze 2007
Skąd: strusina
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Wysłany: 07-01-2008, 00:46   

haha! I adore "the Heartbreak" one! :lol:
it was rough but funny ;P

[ Dodano: 07-01-2008, 20:06 ]
some jokes from me... ;p


Proud father

When his wife gave birth to a healthy baby, a proud father went in to work and told everybody that he has a 10Kg healthy son.

After hearing what was going on, the wife tells the father to quit telling everybody that the baby is 10Kg because he's only 4 Kg.

Next day at work, the father comes in and tells everyone that the baby is only 4 Kg.

"What do you mean, he was 10 yesterday?"
"Umm, well that was before he got circumcised".


Never There

Why don't most women ever tell their husbands when they're really enjoying sex?

Because their husbands are never there when it happens!


Name It

After a hot, hard day's work Joe went into a bar to quench his thirst. He walked up to the bar and asked the bartender for a beer.

The bartender replied "There's one thing every man has to do here before getting served. You have to tell me the name of your penis."

Joe thought it was a bit silly and asked the bartender what he named his. The bartender said " I named mine Nike...like you know...just go for it!"

So he thought about it for a few minutes then said " I got one...Secret."
The bartender said "Why Secret?"
Joe said "Well...it's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman."
_________________
my life has a superb cast but i cant figure out the plot.
 
 
neofp 



Muzyka: Hip-Hop
Dołączył: 01 Gru 2007
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Wysłany: 22-05-2008, 12:31   

New joke about funeral :mrgreen:
Three men were asked what they would want to be said about them at their funerals. The first one said, I want someone to say I was a wonderful father. The second man said, I want someone to say I was the greatest baseball player ever.� The last man said, "I want someone to say, He is moving, he is moving!
 
 
whitemanik 



Muzyka: house
Dołączył: 20 Sie 2008
Skąd: Tarnów
Nr. Użytkownika: 12952
Wysłany: 20-08-2008, 17:51   

how do you call a nigger with an iPod?

thief
 
 
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